Tired but content I sit at the computer, delaying the time when I have to finishing packing up my suitcase like a snail's shell to be transported to St. Louis, my half-year home.
Tired but content because I had a good cry at Mass tonight, and for the first time in a while I felt my heart cracking open to God. I actually felt it.
Tired but content with what is happening in my life in terms of love.
Tired but content and ready for bed. Ready for anything.
.....
yellow.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
you and I will never have this moment again. never. I will never be typing these words at a desk in a cabin in a ranch outside of Sheridan, WY. I will never miss him in quite the same way, I will never dread the other in quite the same way.
I will never wonder again what my future will be like after 2:40 on Friday the 7th of August.
yesterday was the feast of the transfiguration:
It's stupid of me to wonder this but I do anyway: I will ever be content with one person for the rest of my life? recently it seems like I've been switching friends about as fast as my hair color. I know that's not true, but I maybe as life seems to speed up, the rate at which I go through friends does too. That sounds bad. "Going through friends." It's not like, "I'm done with you." but life just changes, and feelings do change, uncontrollably. Realizations happen.
What if I had gone to bake bread that night instead of going to studio? I was afraid that something would happen, and being that I was already a little involved with someone else, I didn't do it. We could have been friends so much sooner.
Here Let's go happy world is turning to the dark side again. I'm so awfully sorry.
Next time, I promise I'll bake bread.
and why did the other you never play banjo for me?
How will life go magically different? thought patterns, I'm told, will always lead me the same way.
There is a wooden horse head staring at me that's ears and muzzle have been gnawed away at. gnawed. what a funny word.
gnaw. that's exactly what my thoughts do sometimes when I'm alone. When I have time to think and I haven't bothered changing from pajamas and it's 2:56 in the afternoon. Maybe I should go on a walk. right now could easily be a saturday afternoon freshman year. When I'm waiting for someone, or woke up late and haven't gotten up the strength to head to studio yet. I think I even had the same pajamas freshman year-- the ones with cows and planets.
my henna bee is fading. which makes me sad.
I read in Elle magazine when I was at the airport that men aren't as attracted to women with short hair. that's unfair. I want to cut my hair short again. Maybe i'm just super attractive and it doesn't matter what length my hair is. ha. It's just unhealthy right now after so much bleaching. Although right now it feels nice because I straightened it.
I better go and let you listen to some more Sufjan Stevens.
Where ever you are, whatever you are doing, I'm thinking about you.
///
"How do you know?" she asked. "How do I know? It just is. I don't know it. I am it." And she never again wondered if love existed, because he existed.
I will never wonder again what my future will be like after 2:40 on Friday the 7th of August.
yesterday was the feast of the transfiguration:
It's stupid of me to wonder this but I do anyway: I will ever be content with one person for the rest of my life? recently it seems like I've been switching friends about as fast as my hair color. I know that's not true, but I maybe as life seems to speed up, the rate at which I go through friends does too. That sounds bad. "Going through friends." It's not like, "I'm done with you." but life just changes, and feelings do change, uncontrollably. Realizations happen.
What if I had gone to bake bread that night instead of going to studio? I was afraid that something would happen, and being that I was already a little involved with someone else, I didn't do it. We could have been friends so much sooner.
Here Let's go happy world is turning to the dark side again. I'm so awfully sorry.
Next time, I promise I'll bake bread.
and why did the other you never play banjo for me?
How will life go magically different? thought patterns, I'm told, will always lead me the same way.
There is a wooden horse head staring at me that's ears and muzzle have been gnawed away at. gnawed. what a funny word.
gnaw. that's exactly what my thoughts do sometimes when I'm alone. When I have time to think and I haven't bothered changing from pajamas and it's 2:56 in the afternoon. Maybe I should go on a walk. right now could easily be a saturday afternoon freshman year. When I'm waiting for someone, or woke up late and haven't gotten up the strength to head to studio yet. I think I even had the same pajamas freshman year-- the ones with cows and planets.
my henna bee is fading. which makes me sad.
I read in Elle magazine when I was at the airport that men aren't as attracted to women with short hair. that's unfair. I want to cut my hair short again. Maybe i'm just super attractive and it doesn't matter what length my hair is. ha. It's just unhealthy right now after so much bleaching. Although right now it feels nice because I straightened it.
I better go and let you listen to some more Sufjan Stevens.
Where ever you are, whatever you are doing, I'm thinking about you.
///
"How do you know?" she asked. "How do I know? It just is. I don't know it. I am it." And she never again wondered if love existed, because he existed.
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