activities
enjoying St. Louis--the people, the things to do; art, writing, frisbee, biking, inklings, WU-SLam Performance Crew, hanging out at ursa's, CSC stuff, CSC choir, Craftea!
interests
God, people, blood cells, diseases, personalities, languages, leaves, music, history, rubber cement, Italy!, light and shadows
favorite music
regina spektor, jack johnson, tegan and sara, switchfoot, relient k, sara bareillis, sufjan stevens, city and colour, etc.
tv
project runway, the office, the colbert report (rarely, but I love it)
Movies
Dead Poets Society, Finding Neverland, Tiger and the Snow, The Lives of Others, Mrs. Doubtfire, Sister Act (I), You've Got Mail, Little Women, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, American Beauty, Win a Date With Tad Hamilton, Waitress, Twilight :)
Books
Eat, Pray, Love; Harry Potter, Narnia, Everything is Illuminated, Writing Down the Bones, Brave New World
favorite quotes:
The only thing I'm elitist about is bratwursts and salmon.
-Stephen
While we we outside, shivering and eating Ted Drew's:
They don't call it hot cream!
-Brian Miller
////
Magical Thinker (aka Disappearing Act)
Can make stuff magically disappear especially if it's got a lot of butter & sugar in it
-Brian Andreas
/////////
Me: I've always wanted to eat whale fat with berries.
My Uncle Patrick: You know what? You're weird.
/////////
I'm pretty sure she baked on a professional level.
-Michael Scott, the office season 4 finale
/////
It is well to remember, my son, that the entire poplation of the universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others.
-John Andrew Holmes
/////
"I don't like comfort. I want God, I want poetry, I want real danger, I want freedom, I want goodness. I want sin."
-The Savage, in Brave New World by Aldous Huxley
/////
Amazing Harriet the spy quotes:
Ole Golly: There are as many ways to live in this world as there are people in this world, and each one deserves a closer look.
Ole Golly: You know what? You're an individual, and that makes people nervous. And it's gonna keep making people nervous for the rest of your life.
Good friends are one of life's blessings. Don't give them up without a fight.
-Ole Golly
/////
The first time her laughter unfurled its wings in the wind, we knew that the world would never be the same.
- Brian Andreas, Storypeople
She said she usually cried at least once each day not because she was sad, but because the world was so beautiful & life was so short.
-Brian Andreas, StoryPeople
I wish you could have been there for the sun & the rain & the long, hard hills. For the sound of a thousand conversations scattered along the road. For the people laughing & crying & remembering at the end. But, mainly, I wish you could have been there.
-Brian Anreas, StoryPeople
//////
I experience a period of frightening clarity in those moments when nature is so beautiful. I am no longer sure of myself, and the paintings appear as in a dream.
-Vincent Van Gogh
I feel that there is nothing more truly artistic than to love people.
-Vincent Van Gogh
///////
I was angry. I said, "I'll get back at you! I'll write poems."
-Ciaran Carson, poet
(said with a murderous look on his face)
/////
I love your everything
-Mike Zavitz
////
The straightest path between to points is a curvy boardwalk.
-James Hamilton
/////
Nothing is more practical than finding God, that is, than falling in love in a quite absolute, final way. What you are in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude. Fall in love, stay in love, and it will decide everything.
Love
Because of you, in gardens of blossoming flowers I ache from the
perfumes of spring.
I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands;
how did your lips feel on mine?
Because of you, I love the white statues drowsing in the parks,
the white statues that have neither voice nor sight.
I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice; I have forgotten
your eyes.
Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to my vague memory of
you. I live with pain that is like a wound; if you touch me, you will
do me irreparable harm.
Your caresses enfold me, like climbing vines on melancholy walls.
I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to glimpse you in every
window.
Because of you, the heady perfumes of summer pain me; because
of you, I again seek out the signs that precipitate desires: shooting
stars, falling objects.
-Pablo Neruda
/////
Previous poems:
"Married" by Jack Gilbert
"The Forgotten Dialect Of The Heart" by Jack Gilbert
"A Thunderstorm in Town" by Thomas Hardy
"Atlantis" by Mark Doty
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Saturday, May 30, 2009
life is pretty wonderful
so I've been doing well. despite my absence of writing my blog, I've been doing well. Or maybe you can tell because of my lack of writing. It seems like I generally complain on this blog, even though it's called "let's go happy world."
But here are some good reasons I'm happy:
1. I'm sipping my tea, my third cup of the day. It's in the TGIF mug ( Thank God I'm Fabulous!) and I guess it's good Stephen is at work, because he might be upset because he claims it's his mug. It's really Grace's, so Stephen and I have equal claim over it. Although he is bigger, and could probably beat me up if he wanted to, but I'd just tickle him and win--after knowing him for almost 18 years now (he'll be 18 on the 3rd), I've gotten to know his own brand of kryptonite.
2. I'm also listening to John Mayer. If you don't know the power of John Mayer, it's really time to listen to some.
http://www.myspace.com/johnmayer
3. Will is cuter than ever, and Mum is a good parent. Will wanted to do face paint right before his bath time, and so I was helping him do it-- although letting him do the majority of the painting. He kept on saying "this is going to be so AWESOME!" and then Mum said, "Will! your bath is ready!" and he said, "Just a minute!" and then once he finished, he asked mum if he could wear the facepaint to bed, and Mum said he could. And then Will said "It'll probably face off onto my pillow. But you can wash it tomorrow." and unlike me, who would probably not want to wash the pillow case tomorrow and would make him wash his face tonight, Mum said, "Yup, that's okay." She's amazing. Amazingly patient too. Filled with the gifts of the Spirit, really. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self control, and awesomeness.
4. I'm SO excited to go back to the CSC. I really don't care much about the little things in STL like the humidity and grades, but I realized that almost all of my friends are from the CSC, and that I actually have friends at the CSC. I have friends at the CSC! Amazing!
5. Summer art camp is going to rock. I really can't wait. I'm the RA for Portfolio Plus! What else is there to say?
6. I'm going to see the redwoods for the first time in my life in a little over a week! How cool is that? Some how I think they're just going to blow me away. I'm pumped.
7. I know my friends are cool people. Stef will be entering the Missionaries of Charity on Saturday. So soon! But I've been so blessed to have her in my life, and to be able to be a part of her life. I believe so much in "being who you are called to be," that her following what she is called to right now, is so inspiring, and makes me SO HAPPY. Even though I'm going to miss her, I know she is in the right place. I fear that so few people stop thinking about what they want long even to hear what God wants from them. But I've been blessed with so many friends who are listening with both ears, and are ready and willing to be who they are called to be and do what they are called to do.
8. You read this blog and care about me. And I care about you very much too. So if you ever feel like you want to talk or hang out with some one who loves you alot alot, just give me a call. Unless I happen to call you first.
But here are some good reasons I'm happy:
1. I'm sipping my tea, my third cup of the day. It's in the TGIF mug ( Thank God I'm Fabulous!) and I guess it's good Stephen is at work, because he might be upset because he claims it's his mug. It's really Grace's, so Stephen and I have equal claim over it. Although he is bigger, and could probably beat me up if he wanted to, but I'd just tickle him and win--after knowing him for almost 18 years now (he'll be 18 on the 3rd), I've gotten to know his own brand of kryptonite.
2. I'm also listening to John Mayer. If you don't know the power of John Mayer, it's really time to listen to some.
http://www.myspace.com/johnmayer
3. Will is cuter than ever, and Mum is a good parent. Will wanted to do face paint right before his bath time, and so I was helping him do it-- although letting him do the majority of the painting. He kept on saying "this is going to be so AWESOME!" and then Mum said, "Will! your bath is ready!" and he said, "Just a minute!" and then once he finished, he asked mum if he could wear the facepaint to bed, and Mum said he could. And then Will said "It'll probably face off onto my pillow. But you can wash it tomorrow." and unlike me, who would probably not want to wash the pillow case tomorrow and would make him wash his face tonight, Mum said, "Yup, that's okay." She's amazing. Amazingly patient too. Filled with the gifts of the Spirit, really. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness, self control, and awesomeness.
4. I'm SO excited to go back to the CSC. I really don't care much about the little things in STL like the humidity and grades, but I realized that almost all of my friends are from the CSC, and that I actually have friends at the CSC. I have friends at the CSC! Amazing!
5. Summer art camp is going to rock. I really can't wait. I'm the RA for Portfolio Plus! What else is there to say?
6. I'm going to see the redwoods for the first time in my life in a little over a week! How cool is that? Some how I think they're just going to blow me away. I'm pumped.
7. I know my friends are cool people. Stef will be entering the Missionaries of Charity on Saturday. So soon! But I've been so blessed to have her in my life, and to be able to be a part of her life. I believe so much in "being who you are called to be," that her following what she is called to right now, is so inspiring, and makes me SO HAPPY. Even though I'm going to miss her, I know she is in the right place. I fear that so few people stop thinking about what they want long even to hear what God wants from them. But I've been blessed with so many friends who are listening with both ears, and are ready and willing to be who they are called to be and do what they are called to do.
8. You read this blog and care about me. And I care about you very much too. So if you ever feel like you want to talk or hang out with some one who loves you alot alot, just give me a call. Unless I happen to call you first.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
fencing
I've never really done anything lasting and beautiful.
I mean, I've never made a Grand canyon.
I've never made a canyon. let alone a grand one.
I have painted a sky, and used about thirty five dollars worth of prusian blue, pyanes grey and winsor violet dioxazine.
Although it was big, it wasn't grand,
and there was a fence post that I tried to cover up and smuge out,
but it looked better when there wasn't one.
My great great grandfather started a farm in South Dakota.
And the thing to do was put up barbed wire fencing.
The cattle would wander he insisted.
grandma didn't give a damn if the cattle wandered.
she wandered and meandered like the river grandpa tried to tame
for irrigation.
and so it was that grandpa put in the first fence post,
and it was historic, monumental, as the gateway to the west.
but grandma didn't want the post. she said,
you're fencing me in with those heifers.
the cows were gentle, intelligent, grateful for a pasture.
they knew the meaning of drought,
knew when to birth,
how to kill a coyote,
what the air smelt like before a blizzard.
grandpa insisted. it was the thing to do.
and as the west filled up with posts, wire, and cows,
the grass became parceled like a quilt.
and as the grass became quilted, grandma felt as if she was being stitch ripped apart,
like the barbed wire was not protecting the cows, but instead scratching her arms, piercing her theighs.
she was no longer the woman he had married.
empty, gray, took care of their kids, but was absent.
and then grandpa decided that he couldn't be unfaithful
to his wife because it wasn't really her anymore.
so he met another woman who wasn't so bound up.
I mean, I've never made a Grand canyon.
I've never made a canyon. let alone a grand one.
I have painted a sky, and used about thirty five dollars worth of prusian blue, pyanes grey and winsor violet dioxazine.
Although it was big, it wasn't grand,
and there was a fence post that I tried to cover up and smuge out,
but it looked better when there wasn't one.
My great great grandfather started a farm in South Dakota.
And the thing to do was put up barbed wire fencing.
The cattle would wander he insisted.
grandma didn't give a damn if the cattle wandered.
she wandered and meandered like the river grandpa tried to tame
for irrigation.
and so it was that grandpa put in the first fence post,
and it was historic, monumental, as the gateway to the west.
but grandma didn't want the post. she said,
you're fencing me in with those heifers.
the cows were gentle, intelligent, grateful for a pasture.
they knew the meaning of drought,
knew when to birth,
how to kill a coyote,
what the air smelt like before a blizzard.
grandpa insisted. it was the thing to do.
and as the west filled up with posts, wire, and cows,
the grass became parceled like a quilt.
and as the grass became quilted, grandma felt as if she was being stitch ripped apart,
like the barbed wire was not protecting the cows, but instead scratching her arms, piercing her theighs.
she was no longer the woman he had married.
empty, gray, took care of their kids, but was absent.
and then grandpa decided that he couldn't be unfaithful
to his wife because it wasn't really her anymore.
so he met another woman who wasn't so bound up.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
God astounds me
Last night before bed I was thinking about my day, and really my life right now, and per usual these days, I was wondering what God's plan is with my life right now, and why my life is like this, and knowing that I need to change, but not knowing how to, and tears began to flow. I don't think most people cry as much as I do. Tears just come so easily sometimes. Anyway, I was about to turn off my light and cry myself to sleep, and then I had an impulse to open up my trusty Bible. I haven't read this Bible since early January, because it would have been too heavy to bring to Italy. And I figured the Bible is on the internet after all...
So I flipped open my bible, saying quickly, "this better be good." and this is what I read:
Because the LORD has anointed me
To bring good news to the afflicted;
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to captives
And freedom to prisoners;
2To proclaim the favorable year of the LORD
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
3To grant those who mourn in Zion,
Giving them a garland instead of ashes,
The oil of gladness instead of mourning,
The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting
So they will be called oaks of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.
4Then they will rebuild the ancient ruins,
They will raise up the former devastations;
And they will repair the ruined cities,
The desolations of many generations.
5Strangers will stand and pasture your flocks,
And foreigners will be your farmers and your vinedressers.
6But you will be called the priests of the LORD;
You will be spoken of as ministers of our God
You will eat the wealth of nations,
And in their riches you will boast.
7Instead of your shame you will have a double portion,
And instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion
Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land,
Everlasting joy will be theirs.
8For I, the LORD, love justice,
I hate robbery in the burnt offering;
And I will faithfully give them their recompense
And make an everlasting covenant with them.
9Then their offspring will be known among the nations,
And their descendants in the midst of the peoples.
All who see them will recognize them
Because they are the offspring whom the LORD has blessed.
10I will rejoice greatly in the LORD,
My soul will exult in my God;
For He has clothed me with garments of salvation,
He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom decks himself with a garland,
And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
11For as the earth brings forth its sprouts,
And as a garden causes the things sown in it to spring up,
So the Lord GOD will cause righteousness and praise
To spring up before all the nations.
And as I closed the Bible, with puddles of tears blurring my vision, I fumbled for my light switch and then let God comfort me for the first time in a while.
So I flipped open my bible, saying quickly, "this better be good." and this is what I read:
Isaiah 61
Exaltation of the Afflicted
1The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,Because the LORD has anointed me
To bring good news to the afflicted;
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to captives
And freedom to prisoners;
2To proclaim the favorable year of the LORD
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
3To grant those who mourn in Zion,
Giving them a garland instead of ashes,
The oil of gladness instead of mourning,
The mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting
So they will be called oaks of righteousness,
The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.
4Then they will rebuild the ancient ruins,
They will raise up the former devastations;
And they will repair the ruined cities,
The desolations of many generations.
5Strangers will stand and pasture your flocks,
And foreigners will be your farmers and your vinedressers.
6But you will be called the priests of the LORD;
You will be spoken of as ministers of our God
You will eat the wealth of nations,
And in their riches you will boast.
7Instead of your shame you will have a double portion,
And instead of humiliation they will shout for joy over their portion
Therefore they will possess a double portion in their land,
Everlasting joy will be theirs.
8For I, the LORD, love justice,
I hate robbery in the burnt offering;
And I will faithfully give them their recompense
And make an everlasting covenant with them.
9Then their offspring will be known among the nations,
And their descendants in the midst of the peoples.
All who see them will recognize them
Because they are the offspring whom the LORD has blessed.
10I will rejoice greatly in the LORD,
My soul will exult in my God;
For He has clothed me with garments of salvation,
He has wrapped me with a robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom decks himself with a garland,
And as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
11For as the earth brings forth its sprouts,
And as a garden causes the things sown in it to spring up,
So the Lord GOD will cause righteousness and praise
To spring up before all the nations.
And as I closed the Bible, with puddles of tears blurring my vision, I fumbled for my light switch and then let God comfort me for the first time in a while.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
In my dream, I held your face in the cup of my hands. Your jaw fit perfectly. That's either all I remember, or all the dream was.
It disappeared, as did you.
The rose turned into a paper napkin.
The slice of lime turned into broken glass;
The grapefruit turned into flamingo feathers
(just a pretty, but they tickled as I ate them.)
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